LGBTQ+ is an umbrella term for different sexual orientations and gender identities. It describes who you’re attracted to, and how you understand your gender. It is not a description of how you look or behave. 

Not everyone uses labels, and language changes over time. You don’t have to have it all figured out.

There isn’t one “correct” way to have sex, and there isn’t a standard timeline for when or how things should happen. For LGBTQ+ people, sex can look very different depending on bodies, identities, comfort, and experience. There are lots of different ways people enjoy sex.

Sex might involve:

• Kissing, touching, or being close to someone
• Oral sex
• Anal or vaginal sex
• Using hands or sex toys
• Intimacy without penetration or orgasms

A lot of LGBTQ+ people don’t see their experiences reflected in school sex education, porn, or the media. That can make it feel like you’re doing something wrong or that you’re behind everyone else. 

You’re not. In real life, sex is usually less scripted, less confident, and more about figuring things out together.

Talking about what you like, what you want to try, and what you’re not ready for is part of healthy sex, even if it feels a bit awkward at first. You can go slowly, stop, or change your mind. Using condoms, lube, and getting tested is part of looking after yourself and your partner.

Sex is about pleasure, comfort and connection. Different types of sex come with different things to think about. Knowing your options can help you make choices that feel right for you.

Anal sex

• Receptive anal sex has a higher risk of HIV than some other types of sex
• Some people are eligible for PrEP, a medication that reduces the risk of HIV
• Going slowly and using plenty of lubricant helps prevent pain and small tears
• Condoms, lube, and regular testing make anal sex safer and more comfortable

Learn more about PrEP

You don’t have to decide on a role forever. Being a ‘top’, ‘bottom’, or something else isn’t a fixed identity. What you enjoy can change over time, and that’s completely normal.

Sex without penetration

Sex doesn’t have to involve penetration at all. Some people prefer:

• Mutual masturbation
• Sex toys
• Touching or rubbing without penetration

If toys are used:

• If you’re sharing a toy, put a condom over it
• Use a new condom on the toy before it’s used by another person – sharing sex toys can pass on sexually transmitted infections even between two people with vaginas
• Clean them between uses, follow the manufacturer’s instructions.

Oral sex and barriers

Some people use dental dams (a thin sheet of latex or latex-free material) or a cut-open condom during:

• Oral sex on a vulva (going down on someone with a vagina)
• Rimming (oral sex on the anus)

These act as a simple barrier and are another safer sex option.

The bottom line

There’s no single “right” way to have sex. What matters is that everyone involved wants what’s happening. You should understand your options and always use protection for safer and more relaxed sex. 

People often talk about gender as if it’s new or confusing, but trans and gender-diverse people have existed for as long as humans have. Many cultures around the world have recognised more than two genders for thousands of years.

Different cultures have had different names and roles, but the idea is the same: not everyone fits into ‘male’ or ‘female’.

Sex and gender aren’t the same thing

• Sex usually refers to physical traits, like bodies, hormones, or chromosomes
• Gender is about how you understand yourself and how you experience the world

Gender is shaped by culture, language, and society. That’s why ideas about gender can look different across countries and change over time. 

Being trans or non-binary today

Being trans means your gender is different from the sex you were assigned at birth. Being non-binary means you don’t identify only as male or only as female.

Some people feel very certain about their gender. Others feel unsure, fluid, or still figuring things out. You don’t need to prove anything, and you don’t need to follow a specific path to be valid.

Some trans and non-binary people have medical treatment, such as hormones or surgery, as part of their transition. Others do not. These treatments are not a requirement for being trans or non-binary.

In our society, people often assume everyone is straight or cisgender. Realising you’re LGBTQ+ can bring up questions about who you are, your relationships, and whether or when to tell others.

Coming out is a personal choice. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, and no set timeline. Some people come out gradually. Others don’t come out at all. Your identity is real, whether you share it or keep it private.

Some people are out in some parts of their life but not others. For example, you might be out to your friends, but not your family. You might be out at college, but not at work. 

That is okay – you get to decide who you tell and when. Do what feels right and what feels safe for you. If you’re unsure, you can always talk to someone from the C-Card scheme. Make an appointment online.

Things you might want to think about

If you’re thinking about coming out, it can help to pause and check in with yourself first. You might ask yourself:

• Who, if anyone, do I feel safe talking to?
• What do I hope would happen if I came out?
• What might feel difficult about it?
• Do I want support before or after telling someone?

Talking things through with someone you trust can help you make sense of how you’re feeling, even if you’re not ready to come out. This could be a close friend, support worker, or someone from the C-Card scheme.

How people choose to come out

There’s no single way to come out. People do it in different ways, including:

• Talking to someone face-to-face
• Sending a text or message
• Writing something down first
• Coming out to one person, then others later

You can take time to think about what you want to say, or practise with someone supportive. You don’t need the “perfect words”.

Some people choose to share their identity online on social media. While this can be empowering and help you connect with others. Remember that once something is posted online it can be difficult to control who sees it.

Thinking about reactions and safety

People’s reactions can vary. Some may be supportive straight away, others may need time, and some may not respond well. It’s okay to think ahead about:

• How you might feel if the reaction is positive
• What support you might want if it’s not
• Whether the place or timing feels safe for you
• Whether you want to tell different people at different times

If coming out feels like it might be dangerous, it’s okay to wait. Your safety and wellbeing come first.

Remember

• You don’t owe anyone personal information
• You can choose who knows, when they know, and how much you share
• You’re allowed to change your mind
• You don’t have to do this alone

If you want to talk to someone, someone from the C-Card scheme can listen and help you at your own pace. They won’t judge you. They’re there to listen and help you. Find a pick up point online.

You don’t have to work everything out on your own. There are safe, confidential places in Nottingham where LGBTQ+ young people can talk and receive support.

You can always talk to a C-Card practitioner when you register or pick up condoms. They can answer questions and listen if you need support.

There are safe, local places in Nottingham where you can get support or just be yourself.

Outburst
Free LGBTQIA+ youth group for ages 11–21. Wednesdays 4–7pm at Carousel, Nottingham. Just turn up.Nervous? You can message first and someone can meet you. Find them on Instagram: @base51_outburst

Transphoria
A group for trans and gender-diverse young people aged 13–17. Tuesdays 5:00–6:30pm at Café Sobar, Friar Lane.A safe, social space to find support and community. Find them on Instagram: @transphorianotts

Notts LGBT+ Network
A website to find sports, social and support groups across Nottinghamshire.
https://www.nottslgbt.com/