You might have heard people talk about ‘flags’ to describe different behaviours in relationships. It’s a simple way to spot what feels healthy and what doesn’t. 

Relationships aren’t always clear or simple. Someone might show both positive and negative behaviours, which can make things confusing. 

If something doesn’t feel right, even if you’re not sure why, it’s okay to trust that feeling and talk to someone about it. Getting advice can help you understand what’s going on and what to do next.

• Green flags are positive signs.
• Red flags are warning signs.
• Beige flags are small quirks that aren’t harmful, just human.

Green flags are behaviours that show someone respects and cares about you.

Examples of green flags:

• They respect your boundaries
• They listen when you speak and take your feelings seriously
• They are happy for you to spend time with friends and family
• They communicate openly and apologise when they’re wrong
• They don’t pressure you into sex or anything else
• You feel safe being yourself around them
• You can disagree without feeling scared

A healthy relationship should feel steady and supportive, with effort and respect coming from both sides.

Beige flags are habits or personality traits that might annoy you but aren’t harmful.

For example:

• Taking ages to reply to messages
• Being messy
• Loving a TV show you can’t stand
• Being awkward around your friends at first

No one is perfect and a relationship doesn’t have to be flawless to be healthy. What matters is mutual respect, honesty and how you treat each other.

Red flags are behaviours that suggest a relationship may not be healthy.

Examples include:

• Pressuring you into sex or physical contact
• Ignoring your boundaries or making you feel guilty for having them
• Controlling who you see, what you wear or who you talk to
• Checking your phone without permission
• Getting angry when you spend time with other people
• Threatening to hurt themselves if you leave
• Making you feel scared, small or constantly anxious

Healthy relationships can exist between people of any gender or sexual orientation. The same principles of respect, safety and equality apply to everyone.

Sometimes red flags do not show up straight away. Someone might seem really positive at first and show lots of green flags. This can sometimes be part of what’s called “love bombing”. 

Love bombing is when someone is very intense or overly nice at the start of a relationship to gain your trust. They may then start to treat you badly or differently.  

It can also be a warning sign if someone gives you gifts, money, alcohol or drugs, or pressures you to keep things secret. They may also threaten to tell other people things about you. This can be a way of controlling or putting pressure on you.

If this happens, it is not your fault. It’s important to speak to someone you trust or a professional who can support you. You should never feel pressured or unsafe in a relationship. If you do, you can speak to someone you trust or access local support services.